Keep head above water in 2011

Finally a non-morose post. I have forgotten how difficult it is to keep an internet presence - it is so much more comfortable just lurking in the shadows, darting in and out of fandoms as a casual traveller rather than a resident. This year however, I suspect I'll need to be in the midst of fandom in order to survive the insanity that is work. To put myself solidly on path of this new year's resolution I have.... 

1) Applied to join the LOTR Big Bang as an author, which is a departure in so many ways, above which is that it is genfic. I have never written genfic for LOTR before. Correction, I have never written an epic that is genfic before - I have written drabbles and shorts - but nope, not 20,000 words, and with nary a plot bunny in my head. I haven't quite decided if I will write about war, assassins and the building of Imladris (setting is there, but no plot, no plot bunny!!!) or a recast of a noir film in LOTR (no plot bunny, no plot bunny!) I need me some BUNNEH. 

Obviously a good start to fandom. 

2) Decided to save up for (a) a new doll, preferably an SD, but which I am only allowed to spend on after summer and (b) a new camera, in order to play with said dolls. While I am at it, attend photography classes. Considering how I am bracing myself to practically sleep in office, I am dreadfully ambitious. But I digress. Yes, I fully intend to participate more actively in the collectors' forums. 

If only I do not have to spend that much money. 

Baby steps. Especially given how I have forgotten even how to update my LJ/blog regularly. :P 

Top 10 reads for 2010

I try to do this at the end of every year but I was late with 2010!! Sigh. well, better late than never,

2010 marked yet another year when I failed to read for my age, despite all attempts otherwise. It also marked the year when my favourite YA section was slowly taken over by trashy romance teenage-angst style featuring one supernatural being or another - which only added to my absolute HATE for Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. Admittedly, this is probably also the year in which I read the least - looking around at my bookshelf, I really had a pathetic 2010. (New Year Resolution Number 2: Read more.) I don't know how many books I read this year - I can't even remember when I read what for most part - but here's my top ten list 2010.

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In an even state of mind

And so, after a depressingly angsty post and a wonderfully dramatic falling out with a few friends, I'm back on even ground. Which basically involves me hiding in a corner and chanting my little new found mantra to myself- "I'm the Queen of letting go"

Which leaves with nothing to say on my LJ again. I fear I'm becoming a Luddite. It's the lack of energy and time I tell you. More the lack of energy than anything else. Sigh. I hate growing older.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Caught between hot and cold

How long was it since I was last here with a proper post?


A very long time, since I set the moratorium against whining about RL on my LJ. Then I realised what I used my LJ for. Sigh.

I am back at the state where I think the Internet is my best friend and I should really eschew my real life for virtual reality. It has been a tiring few months - first the sheer ennui with my last job and the exhaustion from being caught in a political minefield, then coming into my current job and realising that it is fast turning into what my last job was, and discovering that it is worse when you actually love your job; on the heels of that, getting extremely tired with being the punching bag, the convenient scratching post and just about the convenient anything to just about anyone in my personal life. Save for my very wonderful family, who had to put up with me, I wish I could say I have had enough with friends calling me up, talking to me only when it is convenient for them, or when they need something from me - expecting that I would be there. I wish I could say I am done with friends throwing their tantrums at me or just plain ignoring me with a speak-to-the-hand and still imagine me to be unaffected. I wish I have my temper back and I wish I can just LOSE it instead of being rational about it and talking myself into taking things calmly when I obviously have not forgiven or forgotten.

I want to say, I am done being a 'WELCOME' doormat

Friends forever

I discover in the course of RP-ing - what better way to self-discovery than creating completely different avatars? - that I am terrible at keeping friends. Making and keeping friends, rather. Not that the knowledge is completely new to me, but as I count off my fingers on the friends I have remained closed to over the years, I realise just how bad my track record is.

Friends I have lost because I am not fantastic at making small talk and the "emotional exchanges" that are necessary to grease a relationship.

Friends I have grown apart from because of distance.

Friends I have outgrown and moved on from

But more spectacularly, friends I have lost because of one single exchange that I always regret. Which is better: keep a volatile temper, fly off the handle and let your friends get used to it, or learn to bottle it well enough, suppress your emotions, and blow up one day, creating an indelible mark on your friendships? I made few friends in my younger years because of the former and I kept few friends thereafter because of the latter.

Human relations are too difficult to manage, too tiresome to understand. Easier to just live in alternate universes.

Fly-by update

1. I am falling asleep at work and needed sth to ease me into writing in proper English again after a weekend by the beach - hence long overdue update just to prove that I am not using this journal to surf and lurk through fansites and communities. No, honestly.

2. I'd do a random shoutout, but I am not confident anyone would respond, all things considered *sheepish*. *twiddle thumbs* But hey! how's everyone/anyone doing?

3. Despite my intentions to the contrary a while ago, I have not been active here at all given:

. Multiple craft projects to have my dolls suited up and homed.
. Newest craft hobbies - I just picked up polymer clay
. The discovery of pilates - I actually like the exercise, which is rather a first for me outside of the water
. The multiple trip-planning's, as I intend to tour around China this month
. The multiple new shows I have gotten myself hooked on: The Mentalist, White Collar, Leverage to name a few. September will be a crazy month.
. Venturing into RP-ing again. Will anyone here be interested in RP-ing original characters in an urban fantasy set in Europe of the 1800s? Parallel universes, with covens, harems, elven courts etc alongside modern human society.
. Oh yes, the irritating thing called work.

4. Ah why work? *note to self: There are bills to pay.

(If this sounds completely random, well it is. It is a laundry list of the floating thoughts in my fluffed up brain right now. )


... I just did the first draft of my creative writing assignment - the final assignment that is, and it was daunting. This is the first time since... high school that I have written something non-slash, non-fanfic and non-academic (><) - and I am not certain that it should even see the light of day.

Before I start my editing, pruning and adding (I need to add in more details of the setting methinks) , let me try this out here: if you have time to read it at all, let me know what you think? What needs to go?
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Think sleep and Macbeth came to mind...

.... if only because I can't sleep. This marks the latest I have slept in the last week. For some reason, since my birthday, I have been dropping dead asleep at 10 pm every night.

And no, I refuse to blame it on age.

1. Physiotherapist is a marvel. After spending an exorbitant $2 per minute for my physiotherapy session today, officially the highest I have ever paid for physio - no surprises because I have always stuck to public healthcare up to this point- , my back feels functional again. How awesome is that?! I can actually sit without pain now! I'll have to find out whether I can sleep without pain too!, but moral of the story: Love your Allied Healthcare Workers because honestly, the doctor does only one part of your care.

Good Lord, I am beginning to speak like a healthcare official. Gargh.

2. I went back to school for the first time in a long while today for a brilliantly fluffy creative writing class, and goodness, it feels so different. As I told the class instructors it is wonderful back in a less judgmental environment, and boy it is such a change doing something completely impractical and divorced from everyday reality. Never mind that the first class assignment today is to finish reading Ishiguro's The Remains of the Day by this Saturday's class. *Hmmmmmmmmm*

Great, now that I have settled down to update my LJ, I feel sleepy enough for bed. What is this nonsense body Karma granted me with, hellfires and damnation... ...

... in my old age...

1. It used to be that internet communities were meant to be just that: communities on the internet. With communities come politics, but at least it used to be more organic; people self-managed; that was the beauty of those communities. What I do not understand, is why there are so many more people insistent on telling people what they can or cannot do now and why so many communities are so tightly moderated now. There is an automatic elite class - we seem to moving from a participatory democracy to an oligarchy.

Maybe I am old-school: I still believe that communities are meant for people to talk to one another, share their interests and indulge in firing up passion in a common area. Shared space! Open space! Simple house rules, play nice, and have fun! 

But sigh...

2. I injured my back. There is no way to sleep. Lord. And I injured it jumping.  I am 27 damn it. That's too young for an injured back from exercise! LIGHT exercise. Sigh...